You CAN Always Get what you Want (for your wedding ceremony at least...)

16.0pt;font-family:"Times New Roman""">It's a question many engaged couples have; "We don’t want a religious ceremony for various reasons. How can we make sure our officiant honors our wishes?"

16.0pt;font-family:"Times New Roman""">Great question. Your ceremony, after all, is YOUR ceremony; it is your gift to the friends and family who have come to
celebrate and support you. Creating a ceremony that is not traditional can seem
very overwhelming, but it can be both fun and enlightening. And the end result
will be the memorable centerpiece for your wedding day.

16.0pt;font-family:"Times New Roman""">If you have decided that a religious ceremony isn’t a good fit, you’ll need to pick an officiant who will be open to
your ideas. Choosing wisely will make it much more likely that your
collaboration will create a meaningful expression of your personality.

16.0pt;font-family:"Times New Roman""">But before you can ask a potential officiant questions, you need to ask them to each other! Do you want a civil
ceremony, or one that feels inspirational and spiritual without being obviously
religious? Do you want to include family, guest readers, or Sparky, your giant
Schnauzer? Should you include musical interludes or rituals like unity candles,
sand ceremonies, chocolate sharings or handfastings? Would you like to include
readings, and if so, will they be biblical (which can be included in many
ceremonies that are not strictly religious), poetic or literary? The more you
can describe your vision to a prospective officiant, the more likely you are to
find someone who shares that vision and can make it a reality for you.

16.0pt;font-family:"Times New Roman""">Choosing an officiant begins with your first phone call; if that’s no fun, it is NOT going to get any better. Are they
enthusiastic about your plans? Do they encourage you to include the ceremony
elements you’d like and suggest others that might be meaningful? Do they insist
that you use specific readings, music or vows? If this comes out during your
initial conversation, it may be very difficult to get them to really create a
ceremony that is truly personal.

16.0pt;font-family:"Times New Roman""">If you’re still excited when you hang up, you should try to meet with the officiant in person, or at least schedule a
conference call with them and both of you. You can really talk about the
ceremony and walk through the different parts, from the opening reading to the
recessional. You can not only get a sense of their approach to writing your
ceremony, but how they would perform it! Their physical presence is very
important; the way they speak, their confidence, the way they use gestures to
punctuate their ideas; all of these come into play when they actually perform
your wedding.

16.0pt;font-family:"Times New Roman""">Then, you should be able read samples of their past ceremonies, either sent to you or posted on their website. And
absolutely, absolutely, check out their reviews on one of the many wedding
sites that post vendor reviews, written by brides. This will give you an
overview of how pleased (or not) their couples have been. Wedding Wire and
Project Wedding are two that are great for this. (But do keep in mind; one less
than stellar review may not be an honest reflection of their work.)

16.0pt;font-family:"Times New Roman""">Finally, you should make sure you get a copy of your ceremony to approve. (I tell my couples to make it a “date”; open
a bottle of wine, print it out and read it together. And don’t forget to have a
box of tissues handy!) You’ll want to make sure that you are comfortable with
all the language, that all the facts are right, and that the flow is graceful.
(As a bonus, reading it several times before hand lessens the “happy stress” of
hearing it for the first time at your wedding. )

16.0pt;font-family:"Times New Roman""">And then? Relax. Your walk down the aisle will be a joy, knowing that your ceremony will be a perfect reflection of you!

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