Wedding Pros- It's Not About You

Wedding professionals are one part fairy godmother, one part drill sergeant and a great big lump of love. Really, you pour your heart and soul into giving a couple their special day their way. Most brides appreciate your love and care. Others, not so much. Because it can be so hurtful when a bride says mean things or is rude, I wanted to share a tip to help you stay calm in the face of the bridal storm.

It’s Not About You

I’ve dealt with my fair share of people who behaved badly and said regrettable things over my years as a mediator. I take the stance that having my help is a privilege, not a right, so that anyone who absolutely can’t be civil doesn’t need to be a client of mine.

I won’t put up with crap, but I do understand that overwhelming circumstances can turn anyone into Cruella Deville. So, my first bit of advice to you, besides setting client expectations, is to remember: it’s not always about you.

What does that mean? Well, that when someone- a bride, mother of the bride, etc- reacts with a negative attitude it isn’t always in response to something you did or said. It’s not always about you. It could be about her fiance forgetting to take out the trash (again) or about the argument mom had with her daughter about the budget on the way to your office. You know, whatever.

It’s human nature for you to feel defensive when someone attacks you, of course. But here’s where you can show your professionalism. Take a deep breathe and a big mental step back and ask yourself: is this about me or something else?

Handling the Drama

Pausing gives you a chance to calm down and consciously think about what you’d like to do or say next. You can even take it one step further and delicately ask your bride about her feelings. When was the last time someone asked you about your feelings in a business setting beyond the obligatory ‘how ya doing’? Imagine how deeply touched your bride will be to know you really care about her feelings.

I’ve used clarifying questions many times when clients were taking their feelings out on me without realizing it. My intention is to call their attention to the behavior gently and get some info. You might say something like:

From the way you’re talking and acting, I’d say you’re aggravated (saddened, frustrated, confused, conflicted) about something, although I could be wrong. What is it?

What I love about asking this clarifying question is:

* it shows that you are aware and concerned
* it puts a possible name on the feeling (weddings are a crayola box of feelings)
* it humbly inquires instead of forcefully telling your bride what she feels (who likes that?)

That’s usually enough to snap a person back to into reality, or at least, civility. My experience is that most people appreciate being asked even if they don’t share. Isn’t it funny that wedding pros like mediators, bartenders and priets are entrusted with all sorts of things? (Hmmm, maybe that’s a topic for another post?)

Anyway, whether you decide to try this or some other coping mechanism, you gotta practice self-care. It’s not healthy to ingest the stress and anxiety of others so you need to do things to soothe you. Make sure you take good care of you; otherwise, what will you have to give your brides?

What’s your secret tip for handling a cranky bride?



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