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Wedding Planner vs. Friend

In our time as wedding planners we've lost count of the number of times we've had a consultation with a bride, only a few days later to receive a phone call or e-mail with the line “thank you for meeting us but our friend is going to help us instead”. Now there’s absolutely nothing wrong with having a trusted friend or relative helping you organise your wedding – in fact, if you’re planning everything yourself then we absolutely recommend that you ask friends and/or family to help with specific tasks and share the organisational responsibilities as much as possible so that you don’t end up totally stressed out and overwhelmed with the work involved. However, there is a vast difference between having a friend plan your big day and hiring a professional wedding planner, so today we wanted to share some of our thoughts on the subject – hopefully it will help clarify a few points for anyone who is uncertain whether a planner is worth the investment!

Has your friend ever organised anything like a wedding?!

You may be really lucky and know someone who has vast experience in planning events or parties, but chances are that your trusted friend or relative will be as new to the world of weddings as you. This means that, like you, they don’t necessarily know where to look for a venue, the order in which to book suppliers or how to divide up a budget. We’re absolutely not saying that planning a wedding is an impossible task for anyone who isn’t a planner, but it’s worth keeping in mind that your friend won’t have all the answers.

On the other hand, booking suppliers, juggling appointments and keeping track of expenditure are just some of the everyday tasks for a wedding planner – organisational multi-tasking is second nature to us! We also know where to look for that really unusual request you have, we know how much things should be costing and whether what you are asking for is realistic for your budget, and we also know how to break down what can seem like an endless task list into a manageable and fun experience.

Your friend is emotionally involved

It’s great that you have a ‘wedding buddy’ with whom you can share your excitement and spend endless hours together sipping tea and browsing through wedding magazines. But when it comes to making difficult decisions or dealing with a tricky situation, can you separate your friendship from what is best for your wedding? Your friend has probably known you for many years and you’ve been through lots of up and downs together – whilst this is a great basis for a special friendship, it’s not such good news when you need honest and impartial advice.

Emotions invariably run high when planning a wedding, and a great advantage of having a planner involved is that you have someone who wants you to have the wedding day of your dreams, but doesn’t have the emotional attachment to cloud their judgement. That means we’ll be totally honest with you – if something isn’t going to work with the format or design of your wedding, or your budget won’t allow for a plush photo booth or the 6-foot floral archway you have your heart set on, we’ll tell you and advise on alternative ways of incorporating your ideas into your day. It’s much harder for a friend or relative to do this without causing friction between the two of you, meaning you could end up blowing your budget or including things in your day that look totally out of place.

Your friend has a life outside your wedding

For wedding planners like us, planning weddings is our full-time job. It’s what we do all day, every day, and have done for nearly four years. Your friend, on the other hand, most probably has a full-time job, not to mention family and a social life to fit around your wedding planning, and it isn't easy to juggle the organisational challenges that come with planning such a special event around everyday life. A professional planner, however, will allocate their time to you throughout the planning process, sending you shortlists of prospective suppliers, organising meetings and coming up with design ideas as a regular part of their working day. The fee you pay for our services covers the time we spend with you, so there’s no last minute phone call saying “sorry I can’t make the florist meeting because so-and-so has invited me out to lunch”!

There are only so many conversations you can have about ribbon

No matter how good a friend she is, there will come a point when your friend simply cannot take any more wedding talk from you. What we mean by this is that before you were engaged you will have had conversations about all sorts of different things, but now whenever you see each other all you will be talking about is your wedding. That can start to feel claustrophobic – let’s be honest, for any normal sane person there is a limit to how many times you can talk about the perfect shade of ribbon or debate how the napkins should be folded! As planners, however, these are the conversations we love to have. Whenever we meet with you we want to talk in detail about your wedding – where are we at with the design; what’s next on the list; what did you think about the idea for the table plan we sent you; did you like the font for the stationery we suggested? We never, ever get tired of talking about weddings – fact!

Is your friend a supplier or a guest?

Having a friend help organise your wedding can be a great experience to share together, but what happens on the day itself? Will your friend be running around making sure everything is set up as you want, with a mobile phone and a sewing kit tucked in her clutch next to her camera and lip gloss?! Or will she be able to relax and enjoy the day like all of your other guests? If she’s a particularly close friend then you may have asked her to be your bridesmaid as well, in which case she has a whole set of separate duties to fulfil on the day that will leave little time for checking on timings and suppliers.

Even if you plan your entire wedding with a friend or relative, please, please consider hiring a professional planner to coordinate the day. We make sure that everything runs on time, is set up exactly as you want, act as an independent point of contact for suppliers in case of any problems, and deal with any little hiccups or unexpected occurrences that may arise. And whilst we’re doing all of the running around, you and your friend can enjoy the day you've worked so hard together to organise, posing for photographs, chinking champagne glasses and hitting the dance floor to your favourite tunes.

Have you planned your wedding with a friend, or are you going through the process right now? We’d love for you to comment and share your thoughts and experiences with us.