Wedding Etiquette 101: How to Ask for Monetary Wedding Gifts

Planning a wedding is a joyous time but there are some uncomfortable situations that arise during what is should be a very happy time.  One question that comes up with most of my clients is how to ask for your guests for monetary gifts as a wedding gift.

I’ll be honest; this is an uncomfortable situation for me as well.  My mother once told me it is rude to ask for what you want as a gift so I guess it has stuck with me since I was 10 years old.  However I am not 10 years old asking for discman (remember those?) W.e are at a different phase of life that needs new etiquette.

Truth is many couples are already living together before they get married so they have what they need as far as household appliances and china.  Registering for gifts is not as common as it once was.  For the brides that do register for gifts, they prefer to receive these gifts as a bridal shower gift and would prefer monetary gifts for a wedding present but how do you say “Give me money please” to your closest family and friends without offending anyone?

My personal opinion is you don’t have to ask.  We are not from the same generation of our parents and most of your friends and family understand this.  They will automatically give you a monetary wedding gift because they know your living situation.  In my experience of weddings, I’ve had some guests bring tangible gifts but it was probably less than 5 guests out of the 150+ that were invited.  The guests that gave gifts were usually older guests that come from the generation of giving china and casserole dishes.

You know your family and friends better than I do so if in you feel like your guests need a little nudge in the monetary direction there a couple of ways to do this with the right etiquette and no one is left felling offended.

• Add a Note

Adding a note to your invitation that is a tasteful way of saying “money please”. Letting your guests know you are having a wishing well wedding is a nice way to nudge them in the monetary direction.  Something like this:

Soon you will hear our wedding bells,
as Friends and family wish us well.
Our household treasures are not brand new,
we have twice the things we need for two.
Since we have our share of dishes and bedding,
we're having instead a wishing well wedding.
But more important we ask of you,
your prayers of love and blessings too!

I got this courtesy of one my favorite stationery designers, LePenn Designs.

 2)      Get the Word Out

Let the family past the word around for you.  If you have this conversation with your mother and your soon to be mother in law they would gladly tell their friends and close relatives that ask what to get you that a monetary gift is the best way to go.  They are most likely the guests that will bring you a traditional gift anyway.

3)     Don't Register

Do not register for the traditional wedding gifts.  If you are having a bridal shower and you do not need gifts for your home, then don’t register for it just because.  There are so many different types of registries to choose from these days.  You can register for your honeymoon, or use services like www.myregistry.comto register for just about anything you need.

Times have changed and we have to change with the times so that means adjusting our wedding etiquette to meet the times of today.  Just remember that there is etiquette with these changes so be polite.  And whatever you do, do not put “monetary gifts please” on your invitation.  People hate that and they are usually offended when they see this.  I hope this helps the monetary gift dilemma.