Stop Making Wedding Planning So Stressful!

With wedding season just around the corner yet again, all things weddings are a hot topic amongst bloggers and journalists alike. It hasn’t all been pretty dresses, beautiful flowers and stunning venues however, a number of articles have collectively centered on ‘stress’, ‘overwhelm’ and ‘perfection.’

If you’re already married or have just gotten engaged, I’m sure you can relate to feeling excited, stressed, and perhaps overwhelmed all at once. From my own experience, as well as the many brides and grooms that I’ve worked with, these are all common feelings.

In a recent article ‘The Ugly Side of Wedding Planning,’ by Alessandro Macaluso she described her wedding planning experience as somewhat of a nightmare. She, like many couples getting married felt as though it was a “race to measure up, keep people happy, stay financially stable, and balance all the moving parts….” When you take into consideration the number of stakeholders paying for a wedding, the variety of guests to cater for, and the constant move for bigger and better in the wedding industry, it is no wonder that many couples feel this way.

When I was working as an event manager I constantly worked hard to help make each and every event the best I possibly could. BUT, it wasn't enough! I found that these big events, especially weddings often became about everyone else, making it even more stressful for those who the event was for. Often those getting married or celebrating were relieved to get the whole day over and done with because their special occasion turned into a special occasion for everyone else, and I wanted to give them more.

After seeing all of this, I knew I had to create an experience especially for those getting married or celebrating a special occasion. It had to be an opportunity for them to truly enjoy themselves; something that was all about them and something that wasn’t stressful. And, I wasn’t alone in my thinking.

In Claire Enston’s recent post on Huffington Post, ‘Banish wedding planning stress with this alternative checklist,’ she describes the wedding planning process as starting off “with wildly pinning picture perfect images of vintage-styled barn weddings… And that's where things can slowly, but surely, start to feel a little stressful and overwhelming.”

She points out that one aspect that is often overlooked is how a couple wants to feel on their wedding day. It is such a simple aspect to consider, but one that can give you important perspective when it is needed the most. It doesn’t need to be perfection; it needs to represent you, your partner and how you want to remember feeling. As Enston says, “creating a memory bank of wonderful experiences is what life is about.”

In another article on the Huffington Post by, titled ‘Can I afford a wedding planner?’ Stephanie Snay declares, “From the venues and caterers to the photographer and DJ, the little details tend to overwhelm the betrothed.” Like many before her, Snay recommends hiring a wedding planner to help alleviate the stress. Whether you have the budget for a planner or not, they can provide you with some key advice, which you cannot afford to ignore.

In a recent interview series I conducted with 11 highly trusted and experienced Toronto wedding planners, we covered a range of wedding planning topics with advice given to help brides and grooms-to-be to plan the wedding of their dreams. Some of the best advice dealt with these key topics of stress, overwhelm, perfection and pleasing others.

Leena Nassir of Let’s Party Wedding Planners recommends having a proper and detailed checklist in place, without which, things can easily be forgotten.  In Leena’s experience she has found that “stress tends to really kick in for many brides when there isn’t a clear path to follow.  It’s too overwhelming for a bride to constantly second-guess herself, wondering if she’s accounted for all the details, and even more stressful to be faced with a number of last minute items when the wedding is merely days away.” 

One of the golden rules determined by these interviewed planners was “Don’t be a people pleaser!” This is so important – no matter what, you cannot and should not try to please everyone because as mentioned earlier this will cause you more stress than it is worth. As Malvina Chevolleau from Fabulous Occasions said, “while being mindful of your family, bridal party and guests it is ultimately important that your wedding reflects you as a couple.” Create an experience that is filled with the people and things you and your partner love, not what other people love or think you should have.

To create an experience that is all about you an your partner, communication is key. Communication isn’t just important for a happy and successful marriage; it is also vital to creating the perfect wedding for both of you. You need to communicate with one another to determine the ‘high priority’ items that matter to you both, whether this means determining your top 3 items as Anne Anderson from Anne Anderson Events recommends or ranking all key elements from most important to least important as Malvina Chevolleau suggests. This is important to do before even planning your budget, which of course is a great next step.

During the interview series these wedding planners determined that two of the biggest mistakes they see are related to the dreaded ‘budget’ and wanting everything picture perfect. Roxy Zapala of Arts of Celebration believes that couples under budget because they only think of the bigger things and miss lots of little things, which can add up quickly. Cynthia Martyn from Cynthia Martyn Events warns against making budget assumptions without looking at actual costs for the various elements of your wedding day because it can cause budgets to go out the window.

To make it the best day it can be (and keep your sanity) you have to switch off all the opinions and advice too. Alison Slight from Candice & Alison Luxury Events recommends “sticking with your original vision, know what you want and stay on track because at the end of the day 9.9 times out of 10 you’ll come back to your original choices and you don’t have to go crazy in the mean time. And, once you’ve decided on something, stop looking around!”

So, don’t be like the many brides and grooms before you, remember these 6 key things to ensure your wedding planning experience isn’t so stressful.

1. It doesn’t need to be perfection; it needs to represent you, your partner and how you want to remember feeling
2. Have a proper and detailed checklist in place
3. Create an experience that is filled with the people and things you and your partner love, not what other people love or think you should have
4. Determine the ‘high priority’ items that matter to you both, whether this means determining your top 3 items or ranking all key elements
5. Avoid making budget assumptions without looking at actual costs
6. Once you’ve decided on something, stop looking around!
   
   

If you would like to read the full report of the interview series, you can get your free copy here.

Guest post by Jamie-Lee Braunack of Luxe Shopping Experiences, a Toronto wedding services and shopping company that provides exclusive styling and shopping services to help those who are getting married or celebrating a special occasion to look their best with customized personal shopping and pampering packages. www.luxeshoppingexperiences.com