More from "Knot So Funny"

"Knot So Funny" is an ebook available on amazon.com and barnesandnoble.com. Following is an excerpt about the bridal shower from the book... 

At the shower itself, the gifts are typically piled high on a big table (or parked outside). The custom is to wrap gifts in the fanciest way possible. Often, the wrapping paper is made from $100 bills, bows are thin ribbons of hammered platinum, and the card is a gold-plated sheet engraved with the bride’s name. Some people also go to Goliath’s Bridal, get some of that material from Saturn’s rings and smear it all over the wrapped gift for iridescence. You don’t want to be the embarrassed guest who shows up with a gift covered in leftover Christmas paper featuring little pictures of Santa.

After some refreshments and blush-inducing games in which various sex toys are passed around (where did Aunt Helen go while we opened the gifts?), the suspense mounts as the bride begins to open the lavishly-wrapped offerings. What could it possibly be? Perhaps something from her registries? 

Bride: “It’s beautiful...just what I wanted.”

Guest: “I hoped you would like it.”

Bride: “It’s even the right color!”

Guest: “I really like that color.”

Bride: “Where did you find it?”

Guest: “Cut the crap. You know where I found it.”

The process is repeated for each gift and eventually the whole pile of booty gets loaded into a waiting truck and taken to a staging area. Then, over a period of a couple weeks, all the gifts are returned to the various stores for cash refunds. Because the bride and groom have been living together for four years and they have all that stuff already. Except the pair of Mercedes AMGs.