Guest List Etiquette: Returning the Invite

Creating your guest list for your wedding is often one of the most stressful wedding tasks. If you are having trouble deciding who to invite I found some great advice this week from one of my favorite vintage wedding blogs, Under the Vintage Veil.

They questioned the fact of returning the favor of an invite. As in, you were invited to your friend Sandra's wedding, do you have to invite her to your wedding?

Under the Vintage Veil made a few good points:

• If you went to their wedding as a plus one for a boyfriend/girlfriend/friend that you are no longer with or close to, don't return the invite. If you are still close to the person getting married, and so is the person you are no longer with, let the bride & groom know that the decision is theirs. If you have this situation on your hands, just have a personal chat with each person and make sure to adjust your seating chart so it isn't awkward.
• If you are no longer close with the person (usually seeing them in the last year is considered close) don't bother returning the invite.
• If you are close to this person, but you're having a much smaller wedding than they did, maybe explain to them that the event will be intimate and unfortunately you can't invite them. There are suggestions that you invite them to the reception sans the meal, but I think that this can always get a little messy if they arrive early and everyone is still eating. I recommend making them an all or nothing guest, just so no feelings get hurt.

And here are a few tips that I would like to add:

• Always return the favor of family. Even if it is your mother's cousin's daughter, if you were invited to their wedding, you should invite them to yours. I think my only limitation on this would be if their wedding was more than 10 years ago or you haven't spoken to them in over a year.
• If you are finding that a lot of your close friends are getting booted from your guest list in favor of family members (your mother's cousin's daughter!), maybe think about inviting them all to an intimate dinner party at your home after the honeymoon. This way, they are still invited to celebrate with you but can avoid the awkwardness of being around your family.
• Limit the number of friends your parents can invite--and do it for both bride & groom's side. If your parents are anything like mine, they have tons and tons of friends. Whether they be from church or from their jobs, these people can add up quickly and you might not even know them. When you begin to create your guest list, choose a limit on how many friends both of your parents can invite, including plus ones, to keep your guest list from increasing unnecessarily.
• Consider creating an A and B list. This concept can take a lot of planning and co-ordination (especially with your stationer!) but can help you create a wedding where everyone who would like to go is able to attend. Basically, your A-list consists of close family, friends and maybe a few of those friends of your parents or even family members you haven't heard from in a while. Your B-list has co-workers, not so close friends and anyone else that might want to go to your wedding. Your B-list should be put into order of most important to least important. The key to this is to send invitations to your A-listers way ahead of time and give them an early RSVP date. Once you have received all of the RSVP's from everyone on the A-list and figured out how many of those people won't be attending, you can send out invitations to your B-list to fill the empty spots from the A-list. Some people think this technique is bad etiquette, but I think it is just being smart and a more effective way to structure a guest list.

These are just a few guest list etiquette tips, so let me know in the comments below if you have any more questions about creating your guest list!

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Post By: Christine Evans