Don't Make Marriage a Misery

To marry the man she loves, a girl gives up her career and in many cases cuts adrift from old friends and interests. Often she does not realize that the most difficult part of her life has begun.

Photo: Should I Date Him

For, if she neglects to find substitute interests and fails to tackle the job of marriage in a happy, constructive way, her days ahead can become a succession of meaningless hours, full of endless chores.

The permanency of marriage seems to make the housework monotonous and futile. The prospect, of a joyless road into the future deadens the personality and slowly destroys zest for life.

Boredom

It becomes easy for a young wife to feel desperately lonely and bored. You may argue, "What about children? You couldn't possibly be bored or lonely when they arrive."

Although children do fill a vital part in life, they also add their share of duties. Even if a woman begins a family immediately, her children will be her responsibility for one-third of her life at the most.

What will happen to her when they have grown up and gone? Can she slip back easily into her old life, or will she feel that her world has ended?

Yet, if a woman takes stock of her position, there is no need for the future to seem bleak.

The town woman who marries a man on the land will perhaps feel loneliness most. Most of the time, her husband's mind is with his stock or crop. He comes home tired at night ready for early bed, without much energy for talking.

It is up to his wife, right from scratch, to become self-sufficient and busy.

Some people, when the time comes to give up picture shows, dates with friends, and the routine of business hours, are lost souls. But, if they can find amusement and interest from within, from their own creative minds and hands, they will be far happier than ever before.

Most unhappy women tend to look around for somebody to blame, and husbands are usually the scapegoats. But did he kidnap you forcibly? No, you were willing, so please let's absolve the poor man from all blame.

He loves you, and he gives a sympathetic ear. But his love for you will slowly but surely change, if you fall prey to the greatest ravager of the human female - SELF-PITY.

Recently the backyard psychologists have put out a completely unsound theory that outbursts of tears, and temper are good for the nervous system. But the tragedy of such emotional displays is written in the divorce courts.

Never forget how to THINK

When a woman gives up her career, particularly if it was one that required her to use her head, she does well to continue to study something. Study is a good counter to emotionalism, irritation, and discontent.

To be able to manage housework instead of muddling it is as good as a tonic. Muddle is always depressing. To get time for a creative hobby, work to a timetable which allows two free afternoons a week.

Treat your housework as a form of physical exercise and you will automatically do it more briskly and eagerly. Don't let your home become shabby. Keep a good supply of bright paints on hand; re-dye curtains, re-upholster furniture. Your spirits will lift with the new bright colors.

Be Pretty

Even more important is your own personal appearance. Make yourself as attractive as you can. Keep your figure slender. To a woman, an attractive reflection in the mirror is better than any medicine.

The main cry among married women is: "But I haven't the time, what with the house and the children." The fact is, you can't afford to be slow, inefficient, and lazy if you want to enjoy living.

Keep in good health. An unhealthy person is not happy; equally true, an unhappy person is not healthy. Buy a diet book and study it, so that you understand the proteins, fats, etc., necessary to the body.

Enjoy yourself

Good diet will pay great dividends by improving family health and tempers. And make sure you get enough sleep.

Finally, it is most important to think and believe you are healthy. Don't expect a cold or the flu because you ''always get one at this time of the year."

If you wish to be sick (and many women do), your life must be lacking in interest.

Don't neglect social recreation. Go out and enjoy yourself. But perhaps the most effective cure of all for a woman's loneliness or boredom with her chores is to seek, find, and use her own native talent.

It may be painting, writing, or politics; gardening, sculpture, or photography; breeding Siamese cats, sewing, organizing clubs, sports, or charities. But, whatever it is, it will be something she likes doing, something that will absorb her interest and release her innate creative skill.