DESTINY AND THE RED CORD: Adapting a Chinese Wedding Ritual

One of my couples wanted their moms to have meaningful roles in the wedding ceremony. The groom's mom was Polish so I incorporated a traditional ritual of dark bread and salt and used authentic Polish plate. My problem was how to involve the bride's mom. She didn't speak English; I don't speak Chinese. I came up with a simple ritual based on a Chinese legend about love. At the rehearsal, the bride translated each step for her mom who later performed her role perfectly.

The wedding was held in October at the beautiful Saltwater Farm Vineyard in Stonington, Connecticut. The atmosphere added to the richness of the ritual. Here is an excerpt from the ceremony, the portion dealing with the red cord. I've included some stage direction in case you want to use the ritual for your own ceremony.

DESTINY AND THE RED CORD:

Poets often write about love. In the 13th century, Jalal ad-Din Rumi wrote, “The minute I heard my first love story, I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along.”

Does destiny play a role in love? Who can say. But, there is a Chinese legend that the fatherly God-In-The-Moonlight ties a string around the ankles of the unborn man and woman who are supposed to be husband and wife someday… so that no matter how far apart they are at the beginning, they will eventually find each other.

That idea is echoed in the Chinese wedding ritual of having the couple drink from two wine glasses tied with a red cord. Wine symbolizes the desire that the couple never thirst and that their lives will be filled with health and happiness. The Mother of Bride will help us with the ritual.

[Mother of Bride comes to the altar, picks up the red cord, ties it around the two wine glasses, pours a small amount of wine into each glass, and carefully carries the bound glasses to the Bride and Groom.]

Drink once for the love you have. Honor the past, the parents, grandparents, and ancestors—all who made it possible for you to be here this day. [The couple sips.]

Drink again for the love you are. Honor the present, the person you have become, and the transformation taking place today. [The couple sips a second time.]

Drink now for the love you share. Honor the future, the “Couple” you will create by the commitment of marriage. [The couple sips.for the third time.]