Choosing Your Vows

In addition to poems, music and readings, I encourage Brides and Grooms to choose ceremony verbiage that fits their personal tastes and their "relationship personality". I like to affirm for my clients, "Remember it's your day, your wedding, your ceremony, and you can make it whatever you want it to be."  

As part of the ceremony two of the best places a couple can express themselves and their unique couple style are 1) in the actual vows themselves and 2) at the ring or gift exchange, if there is to be one.  In the vows section of the ceremony each party defines and pledges their commitment to one another, and in the double ring/gift exchange each party offers the other a visible symbol of that commitment.  

One of the first decisions I ask my clients to make is to set the ceremony's "tone".  Is it formal or casual?  Will it be religious? Will it be entirely serious or will there be humor?  Do they want a "traditional" feeling?

Once the tone has been set I recommend focusing the verbiage to speak what is most meaningful to the couple.  What exactly are they promising once another? And is there a symbol of this promise? Of course, having once upon a time been a member of Corporate America, I can't help but want to point out the vows are a contract; the rings, Public Relations agents. :)

Among my favorite Wedding Vows are these lovelies:

Bride/Groom: In the name of God, I, (name), take you, (name), to be my husband/wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow.

Bride/Groom: (Name),I take you to be my lawfully wedded (husband/wife). Before these witnesses I vow to love you and care for you as long as we both shall live. I take you, with all your faults and strengths, as I offer myself to you with all my faults and strengths. I will help you when you need help, and turn to you when I need help. I choose you as the person with whom I will spend my life.

Groom/Bride: (Name), today I take you for my (wife/husband). I promise to love you without reservation, comfort you in times of distress, encourage you to achieve all of your goals, laugh with you and cry with you, grow with you in mind and spirit, always be open and honest with you, and cherish you for as long as we both shall live.

I (name), take you (name) to be my (husband/wife)/my partner in life and my one true love. I will cherish our union and love you more each day than I did the day before. I will trust you and respect you, laugh with you and cry with you, loving you faithfully through good times and bad, regardless of the obstacles we may face together. I give you my hand, my heart, and my love, from this day forward for as long as we both shall live.

Bride/Groom: In the presence of God and these our friends I take thee to be my husband/wife, promising with Divine assistance to be unto thee a loving and faithful husband/wife so long as we both shall live.

A few of my favorite ring exchange vows include:

This ring is a token of my love. I marry you with this ring, with all that I have and all that I am.

This ring I give to you in token and pledge of my constant faith and abiding love.

With this ring, I thee wed, and with it, I bestow upon thee all the treasures of my mind, heart, and hands.

With this ring, I wed you, and pledge you my love, now and forever.


Whatever a couple's tone or focus is, I encourage them to verbally "go for it" and freely express what the marriage pledge means to them, and what the gift-giving and symbolism of their wedding rings represent.  These words are poetic gifts the Bride and Groom give each other and reflect the heart of the relationship.