You’ve been asked by your best friend, or sorority sister, next door neighbor, cousin, brother’s fiancé, constant tennis companion, cubicle mate or co-chairman of your college alumni committee to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. Without thinking it through, you agree to be a part of her important day. Wait a minute. What does that exactly entail? It sounds like a lot of fun, merriment, fellowship, memorable moments, opportunities to meet new people and even travel. The list is long; the commitment steep. There are a few clouds in this rosy picture.
While it is true that some brides will allow her attendants to wear whatever dress they want as long as it’s coral or the color of the day, let’s go with the assumption that everyone will be wearing the same dress. From a photographic point of view, it looks better and directs more attention to the bride which is as it should be. Be ready to be overwhelmed with color choices and fabric samples all with disclaimers that dye lots vary. What does that mean and why is it important? If all the dresses are not ordered at the same time, from the same store, they will be cut from different bolts of fabric. You could end up with 6 different shades of purple that are distinctly different.
Cloud #1: The minute you agree to be a bridesmaid, you forgo your own sense of style. Think of it as a costume. You would no sooner tell the director of a play that you don’t like the costume you’ve been assigned then tell the bride you hate poofy skirts and you wouldn’t be caught dead in turquoise. The odds of you ever wearing this dress again are next to nil.
Cloud #2: When you agree to become a bridesmaid you will suddenly hear a loud sucking sound. That is the sound of money being drained from your bank account. You are now committed to buying a dress, price unknown; paying for alterations, price unknown; buying shoes, price unknown. These are not insignificant expenses. Bridesmaids dresses can sometimes cost between $300-$400 and alterations could be another $150.
You are responsible for your own travel expenses. The bride or her family is responsible for your housing accommodations. Your out-of-pocket expenses will add up.
Cloud #3: Bridesmaids could be responsible for hosting a luncheon for the bride.
Cloud #4: Although your presence and participation should be enough, bridesmaids are still expected to buy a wedding gift for the couple.
Being Part Of The Group
Maybe all the bridesmaids know each other from college. What if some do and you don’t? All of a sudden you are thrown into a group that comes from different backgrounds and financial status and are expected to act as one. How comfortable will you be with that? Can you reach out and make another bridesmaid feel welcome?
Consider your decision carefully. If you cannot live up to the bride’s expectations, say as much right from the start. Perhaps you could play a different role like passing out the wedding programs or supervising the guest book.
Marathon or Sprint?
This is the time in your life when you are dealing with issues that are not at first self-evident. You have to read contracts, negotiate prices, organize vendors, write a timeline, create and manage budgets and design an event that will be the largest party of your life. At the same time, you have to figure out how to bring two families together who may be meeting for the first time, keep Uncle Harry away from the open bar, hold down a full-time job, keep your romance alive, and select which of your friends or family you want as your attendants. All the while, you are careful not to step on anyone’s toes or hurt their feelings.
The Ask
Before you approach someone to walk down this road with you, consider what it will mean for them. Can this person reasonably be expected to perform these responsibilities? What is the financial obligation to participate? Can you underwrite any part of it? Are you asking someone to make sacrifices out of an obligation? When you ask, be sure to give them a graceful way to decline.
Arf! Arf! We'll walk down the aisle for a biscuit.
Fa$hion Cent$
It is very hard to get six people to agree on what to wear. Your bridesmaids will have different body types unless they are all members of the college drill team. It is not possible to take all your bridesmaids shopping when you make this decision. Even if it were possible, it’s a bad idea. This is a job for the maid of honor if she is available. Be mindful of your bridesmaids’ checkbooks. Discuss the price ranges before you commit them to a dress and don’t forget to add the alteration cost which could be sizable. Alterations are a big profit area for bridal salons and the cost may come as a nasty surprise.
Communicate
As with any relationship, communication is essential. People do not know what to expect or what is expected of them unless there is clarity on both sides. If your bridesmaid was important enough to you to ask her at the beginning of this process, you do not want your wedding to be the last time you ever see her. Hopefully the experience will cement your relationship even more.
All cartoons come from the quirky imagination of Caitlin Loe, exclusive illustrator and designer for www.FavorsYouKeep.com
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