For both the bride and groom, what happens after the wedding is also something they have perhaps given a lot of thought to, but oftentimes, they haven't spent much time on the details.....
Some things that should be explored by the bride and groom BEFORE the big day are common to everyone who is a newlywed, where they should live, whether or not they would like children, how they will share financial responsibilities as a couple, how they will divide household responsibilities, etc.
- It is not enough to assume that your spouse to be will see eye to eye with you on doing dishes or laundry or on paying bills and doing the banking. You have to communicate openly with one another over what will and will not be done and by whom.
Sharing of household tasks is easiest when neither party has ideas set in stone. If the bride's dad always did the dishes because Mom had made supper, she will have difficulty dealing with a spouse whose dad read the paper after his meal while his mother cleared up from the family dinner on her own. However, perhaps that same dad did all the outside yard work on his days off, or was responsible for all the parental car pooling to sports and activities, so the after supper paper break was his only down time. Keeping an open mind when you are discussing day to day responsibilities will make the whole process easier.
- If you have ever read "The Good Wife's Guide" from Housekeeping Monthly in 1955, you probably look at it as a piece of humorous writing. Unfortunately for the wives of the day it was the norm. Men were to be revered and worshiped, waited on and coddled.
Gone are the days when "Lucy" ran to the door when "Ricky" came home, when "Edith" scurried to get "Archie's" supper on the table before he got his coat off and into the closet.
- Today's bride is far from the wife of the 50's. She more than likely has a full time job, a group of friends of her own, pastimes which may or may not include her spouse, and most of all, she has an opinion!
- But today's groom has also grown and changed and he is much less likely to expect or want the subservience that was taken for granted by past generations of husbands.
Perhaps this change is due in part to the later age of today's brides and groom.
- Rather than leaving the shelter of the family home to get married at a tender young age, many women are embarking on careers for several years before they settle down with a husband to start a life together. In the meantime, they have been responsible for their own needs, both financially and at the household level, so are much more independent. They know how to buy a car, have their own credit history and savings plans, and are used to being responsible for themselves on a lot of levels previously not common to most women.
- Men also are waiting longer to get married, and are not staying in the family home until marriage. They are established in their careers, may even own a home, and have become self sufficient in most household matters, so have no chauvinistic attitudes towards "woman's work" in the home. Someone had to do their dishes and laundry, and unless they had maid service, it usually fell to them to learn how, if they weren't already
able to. My son's were doing laundry as teens, and were no stranger to unloading the dishwasher or clearing the table. Although they may not be willing to do these tasks now as adults, they can't honestly claim that they don't know how!
So remember the amount of time and energy you spent in planning all the facets of your wedding down to the tiniest detail, and dedicate some of the same energy and thought into planning the rest of your life together as a married couple. Communication is the key to a long, happy marriage!!
Ginette is the owner of The Perfect Day Miramichi, an event rental business serving a small city and area in New Brunswick, Canada. She enjoys working with brides and grooms and hopes the part she plays in their wedding planning helps make their day "Perfect" and that the skills they acquire in planning their weddings will be adapted to use for enhancing their marriage.
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